Kim Jong Il's Exasperating Trip To Hell
by Bloodlustful
Summary: Kim Jong Il from Team America: World Police goes to hell and finds out just how true it is that all the right power can be given to all the wrong individuals. Gift to those who liked and "The Past Becomes The Present" "Arachnophobia" and "Prince Dige".


Hey there, everyone! I have a special little present for anyone who liked my Kung Fu Panda fanfic "The Past Becomes The Present", my Monster Rancher fanfic "Arachnophobia" and/or my Ice Age fanfic "Prince Dige". It is a crossover of Team America: World Police, Kung Fu Panda, Monster Rancher and Ice Age, in which Kim Jong Il is on his way to hell.

Note that, in contrast to his turning out to be a roach in the movie, he truly has died as what he initially looked like and is going to hell, where he meets the three villains I made for the fanfics you have just read the titles of. Cu-Hun from "The Past Becomes The Present," Tyrant-Ula from "Arachnophobia" and Wolfano from "Prince Dige". It's a gift to those who liked those fics for the fact I've made a funny interaction between Kim Jong Il and those three in hell, and one like you'd never expect. Of course it takes place after the events of all three of the fics above, as well as after the events of the movie Team America: World Police.

Three other things to note, btw. One, this fic is not only meant for laughs, but it was inspired by and spun off from this hilarious comic strip picture on Deviantart, which I loved and so did many on that site…

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…two, all "L"s spoken by Kim Jong Il will be replaced by "R's" (as that's the way he speaks in "Team America: World Police" and this is the version of him from that movie), and three, I do not own Kim Jong Il, as he belongs to Team America, World Police, which I also do not own. I don't own Tigress, Gray Wolf or Diego, either, for they belong, respectively, to Kung Fu Panda, Monster Rancher and Ice Age, none of which are mine. Cu-Hun, Tyrant-Ula and Wolfano, however, are mine.

Kim Jong Il's Exasperating Trip To Hell

Having died after being impaled on that guy's helmet, Kim Jong Il was sent to hell for obvious reasons. As his soul was sucked into hell, he was shown by the forces of fate that his universe of Team America: World Police had crossed over with the Kung Fu Panda, Monster Rancher and Ice Age universes. He also caught a glimpse of Tigress from the first universe embracing Tai Lung, who she'd recently married, Gray Wolf from the second universe howling at the moon alongside his brother, Tiger of the Wind and Diego from the third universe snuggling with his new mate, Inaynia.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" exclaimed Kim Jong Il, having no idea what any of that was. It was obvious the forces of fate also gave him those glimpses he caught, along with showing him how the three universes had crossed over. Given they crossed over by magic somehow, it was clear that magic was applied to the forces of fate so all that just happened had happened. Anyway, he eventually saw the gates of hell open and flew into them, then they slammed shut hard. Just as he landed, he saw one of Satan's agents standing above him.

"Hello. Are you a new arrival here?" he asked. "Y-y-y-yes!" Kim Jong Il replied. "I'm Kim Jong Ir, and I've been sent to herr because I tried to destroy the worrd and reshape it in my image! You know me and the whore tyranny and terrorist dearing thing, right?" "Ah, yes, and it was no doubt Team America: World Police who did you in." the agent of Satan replied. "Yes! Brast the day those bastards and bitches were fucking born!" snapped Kim Jong Il. "But anyway, guess I'm here for eternity." "Indeed, you are." the agent said. "Your punishment will be decided by the king, Lucifer, as soon as I inform him of your arrival. In the meantime, right this way."

Kim Jong Il was led to a table in hell where three villains were sitting currently. He was told by the agent to sit there and wait while he talked to Satan, so he did so. He then looked to the three villains in front of him. They were a buffalo sorcerer named Cu-Hun, a giant tyrant of a tarantula king named Tyrant-Ula and an immense alpha wolf named Wolfano. He said: "Herro. My name is Kim Jong Ir. Who are you three, and how did you get here?" "Hello. My name is Cu-Hun." Cu-Hun said, then told the other two after using his magic to decipher it, "By the way, his name is Kim Jong Il, but he replaces his 'L's with 'R's." The other two nodded in acknowledgement.

"I'm Tyrant-Ula." Tyrant-Ula spoke, which was followed by Wolfano saying: "And I am called Wolfano." "And we were actually wondering…how did you get here?" Kim Jong Il told his story and how Team America had fucked up all his plans, and then Tyrant-Ula said: "Ouch. Damn, that's gotta suck." "You're terring me, Tyrant-Ura." Kim Jong Il responded. "I take it you're here to await your punishments, whatever they'rr be, too?" "Yeah, we are." Wolfano said. "But you wanted to know how we got here, didn't you?" "Yes, and I stirr do." Kim Jong Il replied.

So first Cu-Hun told his story, then Tyrant-Ula told his story and finally Wolfano told his story. As soon as they were done, Kim Jong Il said: "Wait a minute…so the ones I saw whire I was descending into herr…in grimpses…were those the Tigress, Gray Worf and Diego you three speak of?" "I would think they were, since when you told us your story, you described exactly those three in the flash glimpses you got of them, as well as those who they were with at the time." Cu-Hun said. "Namely, Tai Lung for Tigress…" "Tiger for Gray Wolf…" Tyrant-Ula added. "And Inaynia for Diego." Wolfano put in.

"And the worst part? My attempt to destroy Team America faired, but I was so crose to doing it! One of their goddamn bitches snuck up on me and kicked me onto that hermet, where I was then impared!" Kim Jong Il whined. "I was using deadry force, too, and I was so ready to kirr them off but good! And I no doubt wourd have if I hadn't been attacked from behind by that fucking cowardry srut! But with your kind of powers, you could have easiry done in your targets! I don't have any of the abirities you three have or at reast had, but I'm ararmed you rost with arr those advantages!"

"We're alarmed, too, especially since the powers you speak of were of such a great magnitude!" Cu-Hun stated. "Especially mine, until Diego stole them from me permanently!" barked Wolfano angrily. "One thing, by the way." Kim Jong Il asked. "You told me your stories as far as what your goars were and who your targets were, plus that you rost and died in the end. But you never said exactry how it went, nor what methods you used and what caused your untimery demise! How did it happen?"

So the three explained how they attempted to achieve their fiendish goals, and what caused their deaths after these moves of theirs were made to backfire so badly. "I tried casting a spell of fully uncontrollable, various superpowers upon Tigress so she'd destroy The Valley Of Peace and then herself in the process, but I wound up getting kicked onto some spikes and impaled by her for my troubles in the end." Cu-Hun sighed with a lot of frustration.

"I tried locking Gray Wolf in a special part of my tunnel lair and driving him insane with fear until he died of a heart attack by use of several spiders, which he was hideously frightened of at the time, as well as videos of the worst times of his life. But he escaped and managed to free his friends, who I captured and meant to be eaten by me and my spider subjects, and then destroy me by first freezing me, then by making a stalactite fall into and impale me." Tyrant-Ula stated with much chagrin.

"I tried launching Diego all the way to God knows where with my magical powers after seeing to it he was exposed for pretending to be a prince, but I was beaten at my own game after he found a way back, wished my powers taken from me and his friends freed and beat me in a fight, tearing my throat out and ending me in full." Wolfano spoke with a great deal of irritation.

"Long story short…" Cu-Hun said, "nothing worked. Nothing worked for shit." "Wait! Hord on a second, now!" Kim Jong Il said to the three. "Did it ever occur to you to just forget about being styrish, taking your time and the rike and just straight up KIRR the ones you three targeted?" "Why, not at all!" Cu-Hun said in response. "Definitely not!" Tyrant-Ula replied on the spot. "The thought never crossed my mind in the least!" Wolfano stated. All three then looked amazed as if they had never heard of just straightforwardly killing your foe instead of torturing them with style in their entire lives, or in this case, afterlives.

Kim Jong Il could not believe what he'd just heard, and he flew into a raging tantrum. "YOU IMBECIRES!" he exploded as he threw his arms into the air. "YOU FUCKING MORONS! YOU GODDAMN, BRAINRESS ASSHORES!" He tossed a rock he saw on the table against a wall of hell in fury and, as it shattered, he went: "HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST USE POWERS SUCH AS YOU'VE GOT AT YOUR DISPOSAR AND MURDER THE ONES YOU'RE MEANING TO SEE DEAD WITHOUT ANY GODDAMNED ADO?"

Cu-Hun, Tyrant-Ula and Wolfano were alarmed at the sudden outburst from Kim Jong Il. Then Kim Jong Il kept ranting: "CU-HUN! YOU HAD JUST BEATEN NOT ONRY TIGRESS BUT ARSO THE REST OF THE FURIOUS FIVE, PO, TAI RUNG AND SHIFU! YOU USED THE SPECIAR GEM TO SRASH HER BERRY AND INFECT HER WITH THAT CURSE! WHY THE HERR DIDN'T YOU JUST DRIVE IT THROUGH HER BERRY AND BE DONE WITH IT?" He was facing Cu-Hun while he did this, but then he turned to Tyrant-Ula.

He then blew out: "TYRANT-URA! YOU ARONE ARE POWERFUR ENOUGH TO REVER A WHORE CITY BROCK! AND YOUR WEBS ARE NIGH UNBREAKABRE! WHY IN THE NAME OF GOD DIDN'T YOU JUST WEB GRAY WORF UP AND DRAIN HIS BROOD RIKE REGURAR SPIDERS DO TO THEIR PREY?" Finally, he looked to Wolfano.

"AND WORFANO! YOU INITIARRY HAD POTENT MYSTICAR POWERS OF SORCERY GARORE! YOU COURD'VE USED THEM TO JUST CAST A DEATH SPERR ON DIEGO AS SOON AS YOU REVEARED WHO HE WAS, OR EVEN KIRRED HIM THEN AND THERE AND REVEARED WHO HE WAS AFTERWARDS! SHIT, YOU COURD HAVE DONE IT TO HIM AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM WHO WASN'T PART OF YOUR PACK ARR AT ONCE!" After he was done with this, he ran over to hell's gates and began to bang on them with his fists, while the three villains he'd just chewed out were dumbfounded and paralyzed with startled shock at all this flying off the handle Kim Jong Il had just done.

Kim Jong Il yelled: "RET ME OUT! PREASE! GOING TO HERR FOR MY SINS IS ONE THING, BUT IF I HAVE TO SHARE ETERNAR DAMNATION WITH IDIOTS RIKE THESE, THEN I CAN'T STAND IT! HEEEEERRP! GET ME OUTTA HERE! I CAN'T TORERATE SUCH STUPIDITY AS I'RR BE TRAPPED WITH AS RONG AS THESE THREE ARE AROUND, WHICH THEY WIRR BE FOREVER!" But the demons of hell just ran on over and pulled him away from the gates, then dragged him far past Cu-Hun, Tyrant-Ula and Wolfano and tossed him into a huge, burning blaze.

"Come along, Kim Jong Il. Your eternal punishment here in hell has been decided." a demon said. "You're going to be tossed into a fire and blasted with lasers of hot energy, much like the one which you meant to destroy the entire world with." Kim Jong Il sighed as the flames engulfed him and hot energy lasers started firing upon him, saying: "I just can't bereieve everyone but me is too fucking stupid to take advantage of what perfect powers they have going for them. Powers rike that should go to the interrigent…rike me. Sigh…now I'm just gonna burn in herr, and know I faired. Faired, and had to enter a worse herr than the riterar one due to sharing it with buffoons who don't deserve the vast power they were given by freak fucking chance, no doubt. Why me? Why poor rittre me?" He then broke into song: "I'M SO RONERY…"

THE END

So, was this as hilarious as I meant it to be? Please rate and review, everybody, especially those of you who liked any or all of the three stories that set the trend for this one, and those of you who thought Team America: World Police was a great movie!


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